By Faith Falayi
After laying awake the other night, I get up and
immediately stub my toe on the way to the toilet.
Bite my tongue to stop myself screaming,
squeezing my eyes shut, leaning against the wall
and my cry transforms into a laugh –
at the offbeat punchline of an invisible bad joke –
a ridiculous, hiccupping laugh that won’t stop
because only I can hear it.
Everyone asleep, tucked up in their beds
and my toe is burning but
I can’t stop giggling like a kid in the dark.
Only I can hear it.
Underneath is the blank, the empty, the flat, full and heavy –
and the worse thing to happen now would be if I suddenly
burst out laughing at 3am.
At 3am
I’ve got the most power in the world –
I can break the silence.
It’s as if my muffled chuckle is a silver lining in a dark sky.
What would happen now if suddenly I
ran downstairs and outside
and down the street,
singing at the TOP OF MY LUNGS?!
because this is the only time people would really hear you anyway,
in the silence.
So I’ll speak my mind
and open my eyes.
Nothing to fear if silence is banished,
along with daylight, inhibition has vanished.
One by one, the monsters under my bed are vanquished
and together, we roam like wild things,
bite the bedbugs back and
stay up til tomorrow.
When the clock hits 3am, that’s when
you know you’re staying up all night
because with those three strikes, that’s it
sleep is OUT!
So I give in.
And my thoughts fly –
higher than the Man in the Moon.
Anything can happen in that minute after 2:59,
3AM, the second midnight…
at the only time when my daydreams come true,
my child mind awakes as we leap, hop
from streetlamp to streetlight.
Us wild things will race through empty parking lots -
remember memories we thought we’d already forgot –
to football in the park.
We’ll play to crowds of firefly sparks,
Cheer, whoop, sing our favourite songs into the dark.
Run and run until we can’t breathe,
laugh and laugh until we cry,
laugh and laugh until we sigh and
have to lay down again
but it’s alright.
My toe still burns and I’ve
laughed my stomach tight
but finally I can rest.
Monsters crawl back under my bed
as the clock’s hands leave 3AM
and tick tock tick
into 3:01.
Faith Falayi was the winning writer of The 3am Project Open Call (Young Creatives category).
